on soccersundays i survive in valera’s, an irish pub located on place flagey, right beside the dangerous ixelles lakes. it’s not the place where people drink or dance the night away, but the best place in bxl to watch live soccer. flat screen televisions are all over the place, showing the best soccergames in the world. tonight: belgians first division decider: standard – anderlecht.
it’s difficult to find a newspaper on sunday, but not in the swamps. just around my corner in 54 rue du bailli, there’s libraire louis d’or. a shop+snackbar with inter+national newspapers and magazines. open on saturday (7h30-19h30) but also till 12 on sunday!
if you are not satisfied with royal blowjobbing you have to get out: the gays are coming! the sexiest lesbians and gaylords are having their annual gaypride and are marching through the swamps today. before the sun gets down, they are all so drunk, they will do wathever you want/like. pick out the most beautiful (and wasted) gaylord – or two or more – and have some fun!
orange can be hard, but it is safe. after the orange wallet, there’s a new surviving tool for (motor)bikers: the fluo-orange-sweater and helmet. you will not have anymore problems with pussy cardrivers. buy an orange helmet: they’ll think you’re a swan-cop and you’ll arrive safe and fast at your destination. don’t worry it’s legal.
if you are not surviving in the swamps, maybe you need to get, give or watch a blowjob? best place is the royal parc on sunday. in the beginning of the parc, just in front of the royal palace, there’s a hidden gayhole, official called the guimard-hole. watch your step for the hundreds of condoms on the ground and enjoy free sexual surviving! (if you like pussies more: move to ghent.)
it’s important to share our knowledge of the swamps, so i’ll reveal one of my greatest surviving-tools: find yourself 10 euro and buy a trolley case. you will go shopping like you never experienced before. you can find those trolleys in every non-belgian-shop in bxl. for the biggest choice go rue brabant. for my personal trolley exportshop go rue malibran, on place flagey. use a trolley case and make your grandma proud!
the king of brussels (the same one of belgium) invited me for a private bbq this weekend in his hacienda in laeken! join me if you want, his wife promised me to show us her seven royal greenhouses. those greenhouses cover six acres of neoclassical rotundas, domes and galleries. twenty full time gardeners tend the astonishing collections palm trees and geraniums. the total floor surface of this immense complex is 270,000 square feet and albert needs 800,000 liters each year to heat the buildings. just don’t come by car if you really want to survive, or drive safely and stay on the road.